Sometimes everything is wrong. You don’t fall asleep because you feel yourself free falling, and it’s scary. You’re free falling into this empty black pit, you don’t know when you’ll land, when your bones will snap and break, so every second of it is anxiety ridden; it’s a journey to nowhere – a bittersweet wait for the end of something that hasn’t even begun. Just waiting. Waiting to fall asleep. Waiting. Except that you don’t fall asleep. You don’t wake up from this nightmare that’s engulfing your every thought. You never fall asleep. You stay up and go to work, absent minded – zombie like. You can’t hide that anxious look of despair from your customers, they see right through it, and they too ask “Are you okay?”. “Are you okay?” you repeat in your head, laughing on the inside at the absurd question. “Are you okay?”. Really, what do you know about being okay? When were you ever okay? You never were okay, you never will be okay; you don’t want to be okay. In your mind’s an epiphany that’s been long lost, an insecurity that’s long eaten away at your life. Your health weakening, your mind constantly pondering, and your relationships decaying. You’re still waiting. The second you hit the ground, the second those bones snap into a million different pieces, that’s when you’ll be okay. That’s when I’ll wake up, right before falling asleep, one last time.
I don’t want to fall asleep anymore, I need to. I need to so I can wake up again, and know that my work will always be okay, my relationships will always be okay, and that I’ll be always-infinitely okay.