The first week has gone by quickly, and all I can say for it is – its been awesome. I’m liking the condo a lot, the balcony a lot more, and our neighbourhood is good. A grocery store less than a minute away, and our very own local lesbian pub, which is now our go-to place.
Work has been wonderful. My coworkers are great and my workplace is awesome. There’s no clock in/clock out, just get your work done wherever you want to be. Half the staff is in shorts and a shirt, while the rest are in business casual. It’s the start-up culture pretty much. This Thursday we have a soccer tournament, so I’m excited to show off some skill.
Last Saturday, Verena and I went to our first baseball game with a few friends of mine, and wow was I impressed. What I thought would be extremely boring turned out to be a lot of fun. The Yankees vs. Blue Jays. I think we’ll definitely go again later this year.
One thing I dislike about this city, which I guess is true for most big cities, is that as a cyclist, traffic here is a nightmare. I’ve already been hit once by a van’s side view mirror, and this morning I got yelled at because some idiot driver didn’t understand how sharing the road works. The worst are the cabs, they simply don’t care. I’m thinking I won’t even try risking it in the winter, probably just do the 30 minute walk to work. We’ll see.
Right now, I want to explore the museums in this city. I hear they’re better than Ottawa’s, which is good because Ottawa’s were quite good.
I bumped into an old friend today, a wise friend. He’s retiring and moving to the Bahamas, and here I am starting on a search for a new job. So much contrast, me starting and him ending. He’s moving with his wife and kid, l’m starting on my own. Just like seasons, we change – come & go.
My friend that I came to Canada with just finished university and is heading off back home, back to comfort, back to the easy life. I wonder why though, why chase just being comfortable? He doesn’t know, he’s just going, it’s easier he says. Why not something more though? Why not test yourself, see if you can make it without everything you’ve had growing up. A guaranteed job, a car, a home, and friends; no one can turn those down, right? Wrong.
Everyone I know works to save money and retire. It’s what we do, it’s how we function, what we crave for; security. I figure if I die by forty, I won’t need to save money for a long retirement. Rather, I’ll save my money for an early retirement at 3x, then travel the world till thirty nine. At thirty nine, I’ll head to the country with the highest crime rates, and end up with bullet and stab wounds. It’ll be painful, very painful probably. It’ll be beautiful though. Sounds crazy? Definitely. Will I do it? Probably not. It’s just a rant, that’s all, I think. A white blank page, that’s all that’s going to be left soon anyways – I’m just wondering whose notebook it’ll be out of.
Eleven days till the end of summer.
“This movie is too intimate. This movie is really not supposed to be mass consumed. I can’t recommend or tell anybody about it – because I don’t hate anybody that much. This movie is a horrible tragedy and nobody gets away – it may be the most real movie ever – but it gives nobody any joy and whenever I think about this fucking movie I just hurt.
Bad things happen to great people. And this movie is testament to that. I wish I could unravel time and fix this whole nasty affair. But I cannot recommend it. I don’t hate anybody that much.” – eyehate
Watch it, I did. I can’t even begin to describe what you’ll go through.
Yesterday was a giant success. The Wine & Cheese event we have been planning for this month was pure awesomeness. Met a lot of cool people, industry professionals specifically, and got offered a student liaison position at CMC. I’m stoked. After the event I went out with two friends I made that night and didn’t end up home till around 3am. Just in time for 4 hours of sleep before waking up to go to have breakfast with the same folks, before heading to class. Definitely going to miss these spontaneous university days. So for all you peeps, enjoy it as much as you can. Seriously, enjoy it! Below’s the design I’ve worked on to promote the event, it’s a bit minimalistic and simple, straight to the point really. The work process took time though, I had so many iterations of it that deciding on the final piece was difficult. Makes me want to make a post about “The evolution of design”. Sounds pretty neat eh?
Anyfoo, moving on! I’ve been using Color recently and am finding it to be pretty neat. Unfortunately none of my friends are even remotely interested in anything technology related, so I can’t experiment much with the application. For you Android/iOS users though, give it a go! It’s going to be Facebook’s direct competitor. I don’t mention Twitter since Twitter’s argued to be more of a publishing platform than a social networking site, although LinkedIn might join the Facebook competition party. It’s amazing how much technology is pushing us to interact more and more but only through walls of texts and computer screens. This hopefully will change that idea.
Today for my final strategic management class, the professor baked us cinnamon buns. It was awesome. Tomorrow will be my last class of my university career. Such an ambivalent feeling. Heck, ambivalent doesn’t even come close to describing this feeling.
Tomorrow the world ends. Tomorrow I’m reborn again. Tomorrow.
I have 19 years left to live, and it’s going to be great. Let me correct that: I wish to live for 19 more years. I’ve always held the expectation of living till 40, then passing on peacefully. Anything below would be too young, anything above would be too old. My biggest fear is growing old and frail, but even worse, is growing dependent. Dependent on someone else to take care of me; that I just can’t take. I know some people with Dependant Personality Disorder, it’s disgusting to watch. Obviously growing up dependent, and DPD are completely different forms of dependency, but to me, they’re very similar. Living through the lifestyle I maintain right now, I’m sure to pass 40, I think. That’s ok though, more time to see my brothers succeed into whatever they want, more time to watch dad push us for more, and best of all, more time for me to be me.
Here’s two links that’ll captivate you. You won’t regret going through them.
A Mother’s Journey (Be sure to click the Caption option)
Where do I begin, where do I start. This isn’t a story, nor a rant. Where do I commence then? This is a reflection, a journey of discovering me.
It’s raining outside, the wind is cold. The lights are out aside for the bed lamp, and here I am typing away. I have a guest tonight, she’s passed out though. So here I am, staring out of my window, feeling the breeze hit me, hit me so hard that I feel right at home, the harsh cold throne. A lot’s on my mind, so much that it’s isolating me from everything around me. I can still think straight though, that’s all that matters; but these thoughts, these urges, ah. Everyday more of me dies, and as it does, the more I smile. It’s a great feeling to go through this transition, a great feeling to be with my inner monster, my inner self. The best part though, the best feeling of it all, is how no one knows. No one knows what it’s like on the inside, deep in this hollow body.
One the outside I’m great. The lovable nice guy, always helping out, always laughing, and generally there for you whenever I’m needed. Dare I say it’s all pretend? It’s just a mask? Perhaps. I know a lot of good friends, a lot. Even new friends I get to know, I find out a lot about them fairly rapidly. What about me though? How much do you know about me? It’s rhetorical, you know nothing. Countless nights I’ve spent laying in bed, eyes wide open and staring into the ceiling. “What are you thinking of?”, “Nothing”. What would it be like to just be normal for once? To be able to answer such mundane questions, to talk freely, to connect.
Connect is a fascinating word. To establish a rapport or relationship. Why is it that I’m so easy to connect with, but impossible to connect to? I know too much of everyone’s problems. No one knows a thing about mine. Funny part is, it’s not even a defensive thing, it’s actually offensive. The greatest defense can be broken down by a greater offense. That’s a post of its own though.
I’m not broken, my ability to care is.
Life is different, very different. During grade 12, the naive me sat there and thought I had the world figured out already. Flash forward into my fourth, and final year of university, I don’t know anything anymore. The more I learn, the less I know. Where am I taking myself in this world is still a vague mystery. I do know a few certainties though. Get a job you love, make friends, and be happy with yourself. Thankfully I’m on track with those certainties.
A little over 10 months ago my mother passed away due to cancer. I did not know of her illness till I heard the life-shattering news. Of course by then, it was too late. All the words I should’ve and could’ve said were too late to tell. That entire academic year was hard to get through. Come summer time though, and I’ve gotten back on track. Back to getting A’s and back to enjoying myself.
Life is still vague right now, but that’s the beauty of it. No commitments and no plans. I’m still a naive 20 year old, but now I understand to not try to figure life out, but rather, just live it, enjoy it, and prosper through it. I’ve come a long way from the time when we’d read Animal Farm in your classroom. Now, my bookshelf is stocked with the works of Kant, Schopenhauer, and more. I’m well read, and very well informed.
All this, I attribute to you and my father. To you, for if you haven’t been my mentor and teacher, if you weren’t there to push me to read more and expand my vocabulary, to tell me about the different aspects of life, and to broaden my eyes to the outside world, then I would not be the man I am today.
For that, I am eternally in debt to you.